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Ageing with Integrity
| Posted on March 31, 2016 at 12:43 AM |
I want to share the following article as I know that this is a common feeling among a lot of people who have retired from full time careers or are approaching retirement. If you are interested in more information please email me - [email protected] "As people grow older, they are navigating new territory in their life.
Most likely, those who are successfully navigating their older age are
not listening to this audio so I will address issues for when people are
feeling despair and regret as they grow older. In this audio, I will
discuss coping with loss and addressing self-esteem issues in addition
to productivity and achievement later in life to assist with reviewing
your life with a sense of integrity rather than despair.
Aging is a time of grief as well as a time of joy. However, just about
everyone experiences loss with aging. That loss may be a loss of health.
It may be mental decline. It may be the loss of a productive and
fulfilling career. It may be the loss of important relationships.
Although everyone experiences loss, not everyone experiences despair
with aging. In fact, it is more common for people to feel happier with a
greater sense of overall well-being as they grow older.
So, if everyone experiences losses and change with aging, why do some
experience despair whereas others feel a sense of integrity about their
lives? The answer may be due to how they cope with grief and loss and
how they feel about themselves as well as how they view productivity and
achievement in older adulthood.
Although loss is inevitable with aging, some people have trouble
grieving the natural changes of age. They may feel justified grieving a
death, but they might not feel it is okay to grieve retirement or other
changes in their life. For instance, it might seem like you shouldn't be
grieving because you've had a good life. Maybe you have raised a
wonderful family. Maybe you have had a productive career. You've
accomplished many things in your life. And yet, you feel the loss.
Therefore, it is important to acknowledge the loss so that you can
grieve and be able to move on. Many people don't acknowledge the
necessary losses of life such as retirement. To enjoy retirement you may
have to give up a career that was fulfilling to you. Too frequently
people focus on how lucky you are to retire and don't recognize the loss
that comes with this major change in life.
Another common loss is that many people have health issues as they grow
older. Successfully navigating the grief does not mean ignoring it.
Those who cope with loss are those who acknowledge it, feel it, and come
to a resolution. Too often, people want to immediately resolve grief.
They might say, for instance, “I can't do everything I used to do.
That's okay because there are still other things I can do.” Certainly,
that is a healthy resolution but prior to a successful resolution the
individual needs to acknowledge the loss and grieve. Then, when they get
to the resolution, they will fully feel it rather than just saying the
words.
There is a natural tendency as people move into their older ages to look
back and evaluate their lives. When people look back over their lives,
their view is often colored by the lens of their self-esteem. In other
words, people who generally have been negative about themselves
throughout their life are more likely to respond with despair whereas
those with high self-esteem are likely to feel a sense of integrity. For
those who feel despair, it is necessary to recognize that it is not too
late to change your self-concept.
Self-criticism is toxic. The people who probably should be critical of
themselves such as criminals and psychopaths who have harmed others,
usually aren't. They tend to see themselves as victims or to blame the
victims. Therefore, most of those who are overly self-critical are
likely to be inaccurate in their self-assessment. They usually tend to
engage in negative filtering, only evaluating certain aspects of
themselves and/or seeing only the negative when positive aspects exist.
This is the reason self-criticism is toxic. It is often inaccurate to a
large extent and poisons a person's self-concept. A reasonable
self-assessment is healthy but is able to examine the positive as well
as the negative. So, if you find yourself primarily negative in your
self-evaluation, it is likely to be inaccurate. As a result, it only
contributes to despair rather than to positive change.
If you examine yourself too harshly, change your self-perception. It is
never too late to change yourself. Don't accept that overly critical
self-assessment. Look at your life from all perspectives. Make a list of
your positive qualities and accomplishments. Don't dismiss them as
unimportant. For people who are self-critical, no criticism is too small
to ignore. So don't ignore the positives by diminishing them. Build
yourself up rather than tear yourself down. Once you can examine
yourself more realistically, it then becomes possible to look at your
life and what you want from life more accurately and enthusiastically.
Another issue for some people as they age is that they believe they
haven't accomplished what they wanted in life. Others, who may have
achieved a great deal during their productive years, are grieving the
inability to do what they did before. They are no longer receiving the
accolades or the financial rewards. It may be true that they can no
longer do what they used to. However, does that mean they can no longer
be productive or achieve anything? No, that is not true. You might have
to go on a search of self-discovery to find the meaning in your life.
But the search for identity is not limited to youth. Periodically,
people need to revisit what their life means to them and what gives them
a sense of purpose.
We live in a society that is youth-focused. Again and again you hear the
stories of youthful success to the extent that it almost appears that
if you are over forty there is no reason to even try. As a result, many
people as they grow older don't even think of what they want to do with
the rest of their life. They are told and believe, “You're retired. You
can take it easy now.” That might be fine for awhile. But think about
this, when you retire you can easily have 15, 20 or even 30 productive
years ahead of you. That's almost as much time as you put into work.
The question is: how do you want to spend the time you have left?
Research shows us that staying productive in older age is an important
key to long-term health and happiness. You might think that there is
nothing you can do. That you are too old. Or, that you don't have the
capability you once had. But that is not true!
Age is an attitude. If you buy in to the youth culture, you might have
the attitude that you can't accomplish anything after a certain age. You
might think it is too late to pursue your dreams, to start a business,
to write a novel, to invent a new product. However, age is an attitude.
And attitudes can be changed. As Mark Twain, the American humorist said,
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it don't
matter.” If you believe that you can still have a sense of purpose as
you grow older, you can.
You are never too old to become an artist. Grandma Moses became a
renowned folk artist although she didn't start painting until she was
over 75 years old.
You are never too old to write. If you have ever played card games, you
have probably heard the phrase “according to Hoyle”; Edmund Hoyle wrote
the first rules of card games when he was in his seventies.
You are never too old to take care of your health. My grandmother, who
was very active throughout her life but had never exercised, started
riding a stationary bike in her seventies because her doctor told her it
would be healthy for her.
You are never too old to invent something useful. My father-in-law
invented and patented fishing rod holders including one for wheelchairs
when he was in his seventies. He received an international award for his
inventions.
You are never too old to start go to school and start a new career.
When I was in graduate school I had a supervisor who was on his third
career. After retiring from the military, he went to school for
engineering. He retired from engineering and received a doctorate in
psychology in his sixties. I remember reading a letter to Dear Abby from
a woman in her forties who asked about the advisability of going back
to college. Specifically, she lamented “I'll be almost fifty by the time
I graduate.” Abby's response was “How old will you be if you don't go
back to college?” Which reminds me of a quote from George Elliott, the
novelist: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”
People who do, do. They don't focus on regrets. They don't focus on
“what could have been.” They focus on today. What are YOU capable of
today? As John Barrymore, the actor said, “A man is not old until
regrets take the place of dreams.”
Now is the time to do what you always wanted to do. Sure, you might have
to modify your dreams. Perhaps you can't get around as well as you used
to. Perhaps you need assistance. Maybe you don't have as much energy.
Or much money. However, that doesn't mean you can't do anything. Do what
you can! As they say, “Rome wasn't built in a day.” Just doing a little
bit at a time can accomplish a great deal. Tolkien was in his sixties
when “Lord of the Rings”, a set of books over a thousand total pages,
was published. It was said that he wrote only 250 words a day which is
equivalent to about one page. Sure, it might have taken him fifteen
years to write one of the best-selling novels of all time, but he did it
by doing a little at a time.
You don't need to miss opportunities now just because you are older.
Prove the youth-culture wrong. Do what you want to do. “Follow your
dreams” is not just for the young." |
Categories: Ageing with Integrity
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13 Comments
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Integrity is action based on a consistent framework of principles. Depth of principles and adherence of each level to the next are key determining factors.
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After reading this article, I have realized how important it is to take good care of the elders. Some of these people have spent their lives helping other people to become successful such as their families. In line with this, they indeed deserve to be respected and loved. They should be showed all the positive things in this world because we are all aware that they have already been through a lot. They have already endured too much from this world so we have to make their lives even happier through words or even actions.
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We must appreciate the age we are in, no matter what exactly it is. What I mean here is that if you are, for example, 15, don't wish to get older faster, because when you are older, you'll probably want to get younger.
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